WELCOME TO THE ANTI-NRA

The Bill of Rights.

Amendment I.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Amendment III.

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Amendment IV.

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V.

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb, nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation.

Amendment VI.

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed; which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Amendment VII.

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Amendment VIII.

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Amendment IX.

The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Amendment X.

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

There is nothing more important than the Constitution, and especially the above Bill of Rights, unless they get in the way.

EXAMPLE OF THE REASONING OF THE AVERAGE "FASHIONABLE" PATRIOT

STATEMENT TO BE DISCREDITED: "America will not go down if you're allowed to bring guns on airplanes."

Now imagine that you want to go to Cancoon for spring break and you're planning on getting some. As you board the plane you think, "Wow, this is great!". Then you realize, only after you are 10,000 feet in the air, the man sitting in front of you has a gun. He proceeds to walk up to the pilot. The Pilot turns as if to say "Man, i wish he wouldn't have brought a gun on the plane." , then the man replies "But yes, I did!" then the pilot exclaims "Oh no, I'm in trouble!" after this the man says "Yes you are!"(is it just me or does that seem like a run on sentence?) Now what would you do? This is what I think would happen. The crazy hick would shoot the pilot, which would kill him. Next he would proceed to shoot out all the windows, because that's what crazy hicks are taught to do in crazy hick school. What happens next is the plane slowly drifts downward. When the plane reaches approximately 2000 feet rabid seagulls begin to fly through the cockpit and into the first class area. Rabid seagulls, as we all know, hate hicks, so five or six hundred of them simultaneously bite the man, as he madly tries to shoot him with his shotgun. In doing so he manages to shoot a hole in the floor of the airplane, which, inevitably he falls through. Does he fall to his death? If only he were so lucky! In fact he falls for about 20 seconds and then sees a airforce helicopter. The copter came because it heard the gun blasts. As the hick falls he realizes that he would rather fall to his death then hit the helicopter, so of course the helicopter senses his fear. The helicopter proceeds to fly under the man, who is then chopped into shreds. At that exact moment a crazy car thief shoots an explosive crossbow at the helicopter, fearing that the helicopter was after him. The remains of the man and the remains of the helicopter fall onto the getaway car...the story was covered by the local news. But what has happened to the airplane you ask? Well when the hick fell out of the airplane he switched on the autopilot, so the plane flew in the direction of Cancoon. Most of the people have been sleeping through all of this, but for some reason you couldn't. In this situation, what's in your mind? You know, your first priority? It's airplane peanuts! Of course! So what do you do? Find an elephant trainer. There happens to be one sitting behind you! What luck! You ask the man "Please sir, may I have a peanut?" He looks at you and says "Why of course!". As you calmly eat your peanuts you listen to your favorite Barney CD. Several hours later you notice Cancoon in the distance. WHAT A DELIGHT! However there in one problem, that noone has seemed to see yet. You have no pilot! Several hours later your airplane crashes into a deserted island ... deserted except for 3 eyed zebras. Not any regular 3 eyed zebras. Mutated 3 eyed zebras! The mutated 3 eyed zebras hold a trial. The decide that guns on airplanes are bad. They send all of the other people that were on the airplane home... but not you. They realized that you were in favor of guns being allowed on airplanes, so they slowly eat you... And that my friends is what happens when you say something like: "America will not go down if you're allowed to bring guns on airplanes." I rest my case.

This is the manifesto of the Anti-NRA. As you can see, guns are a very bad idea and are a threat to the very existence of society. All guns must be banned. Also, all weapons must be banned, including pens, pencils, golf clubs, baseball bats, sticks, etcetera...anything that could inflict pain. Obviously, as everyone knows, the possible preservation of a life is far more important than the protection of our Constitutional rights and the survival of the true spirit of America. And so, guns should be banned. The Second Amendment was an...erm...goof-up. After all, what do you really need them for today? Perhaps when the Constitution was drafted it was necessary, but not today. The government is our good Big Brother...why would we need to be able to stand up? (never mind that that was Hitler's first step in seizing control of the democratic nation of Germany, which possessed a government and constitution rather similar to ours, Hitler proclaiming, "We lead the civilized world into an era of safety! We are now the first nation to have full gun registration!") We really should allow the government to spy on us. After all...

"What do you have to fear if you have nothing to hide?" -Adolf Hitler, 1935, justifying searches without a warrant

It's very true! What do you have to fear except the complete annihilation of your Constitutional right to privacy and your right to assemble? The founding fathers seem to have made yet another absent-minded blunder...the Fourth Amendment is just a threat to the government. You're a patriot, right? If you're a good American citizen, lover of the "Land of the Free", then you'd understand that the survival of the government and the safety of the people is what is important. If a Constitutional right gets in the way...well, we should just brush it aside, if it's getting in the way, that section must be outdated. Never mind that when the President is sworn into office, he swears to protect the Constitution...Bush, our current president, is doing a great job of keeping that promise. The Office of Homeland Security (which he created) is doing a beautiful job! It can indefinitely suspend the Constitution (allowing for the executive branch to crush the legislative and judicial branches, which would result in a Fascist police state), but don't worry...it's the government...trust them.

"Join the War on Terrorism!" -Nazi campaign poster, immediately after the "Polish terrorist attack" against the Reichstag Building

You must help us in our fight on the War on Terrorism! In order to fight terrorism, the scourge of the Earth (never mind that the founding fathers of America were seen as terrorists) we must sacrifice our Constitution. We have little choice but to sacrifice our freedom to save our freedom! This is why military tribunals now exist. Since we must sacrifice our freedom to save it, the Sixth Amendment can be ignored. We have little choice but to deny those who might be evil terrorists of the right to legal counsel, an unbiased jury, Haibus Corpeus, and many other key Constitutional rights. We cannot allow for the possibility of the guilty getting away with a crime, even if it means punishing the innocent, despite the fact that America is about "innocent until proven guilty". Terrorism is a despicable, cowardly, moronic strategy used by complete idiots. It would be far less cowardly and moronic for the Al Qaeda to march into battle against our depleted uranium slug firing tanks and artillery units. It is pure stupidity for them to fight a war that they could, in fact, possibly win. They are cruel, evil, terrible people. Absolutely sickening. They killed 3700 innocent Americans on September 11, 2001. Now our valiant saviors of democracy are, in a heroic display of bravery, taking out "targets" in Afghanistan. Oops. We just got a report of some more "collateral damage". Wasn't that bomb supposed to hit a building filled with Al Qaeda leaders who had foolishly informed the American media that they would be meeting in that building? But that "daisy-cutter" (kills anyone within 800 yards; it is a very "pinpoint" way of hitting targets; the shrapnel and the blast wave miraculously dodges civilians while homing in on evil) ended up landing in a wedding between two fifteen-year-olds! It killed 80 people; men, women, children! This shoe I found buried in rubble here...only about 6 inches long...do these look like Taliban shoes to you? Oh, this is *shifty eyes* the only time something like this has happened...but it really was necessary to end the slaughter of countless innocent citizens. This was a necessary step in the War on Terrorism...our noble war on the indiscriminate evil scourge that lurks in this world.

JOIN THE CRUSADE AGAINST OUR CONSTITUTION

After all, it's obsolete.

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